healthy grief

In season 2 of Star Trek, Deep Space Nine, Commander Benjamin Sisko continues to wrestle with his feelings about Jennifer's death. In the beginning of episode 9, he says, "Yesterday was thte fourth anniversary of the massacre at Wolf 359, the fourth anniversary of Jennifer's death. I'm not sure what bothers me more, the date itself or the fact that it almost passed unnoticed."

Sisko's experience of the unnoticed anniversary is a normal part of healthy grief. The unnoticed anniversary allows him to participate actively in other aspects of life and even, in time, to develop interest in another woman. His first interest is not so well placed; but that, too, is a normal part of life.

There are some griefs that we treat as sacred. We disallow ourselves from coming to a point in life where the anniversaries can be unnoticed. In some cases this is unhealthy. In others it is respectful. It allows us to protect ourselves and others against repeated acts of violence, provided that our rituals of remembrance are healthy and promote healing.

This is an especially important thing to keep in mind on the anniversary of the acts committed on September 11, 2001. It is important that we use this day to remember the losses our country experienced on that day and to teach children about the impact of those events. It is also important that we use healthy, peaceful rituals in this process.